My current book read...

Well currently I am reading “Passion and Purity” during my moments of silence. Actually this has been a book that I have been unable to put down and actually plan on finishing today! This book has caused much joy, doubt, happiness, and pain… BUT praise God for redemption and grace. Fair warning, I am about to be transparent..

The message of this book is focused on a sweet couples’ story of courting and waiting for marriage to share with one another. She writes as an encouragement for the reader to be patient in the Lord’s guidance and presents a wonderful message for Christian women to consider in moments of doubt and loneliness before marriage. Many lessons were to be learned by me as I picked up this book.

Several things have stood out to be in this book and have really rocked my boat a bit.. Though I am unable to change the events of my past, I am saddened by the choices I made in past relationships that cause me to doubt the provision of the Lord for my future spouse. The impatience I held in my life to find the “one” and the actions I have taken to fill needs only the Lord can fill right now has been so discouraging to me as I read.

Much doubt has set in previous to this, that the Lord will be unable to provide a loving, forgiving, Christ seeking husband for my life. One will see my story as a story of redemption and mercy, love and God’s grace! Several tears, sad moments, and hard conversations were held during this past week of my reading. But what joy I have found in sharing with others my hurts and pains. As I long for a spouse, this book has continued to show me ways in which I need to be seeking the Lord in this area of my life.

The message of this book has been more of an encouragement than anything. She writes about how we as women need to give our desire for a particular person to the Lord. If and when He chooses to allow that partner to feel the same way, the man needs to be the one in connection with the Lord to express His desire to pursue after me. What a joy and sigh of relief this was for me.. Finally I can understand and give up on finding the man the Lord has for me. My job is to give it to the Lord when these feelings for someone occur. In the past, I have wakened feelings that may have not been present yet, by expressing my desire to get to know someone deeper. Now, I have a greater understanding that in order for me to give Him control… I don’t need to be the one expressing anything BUT trust in my Father.

I will ask for prayers in this though. Some of you may not know this, but I was previously almost engaged… My father had given his blessing to a young man that I was dating; we had picked out the ring and had set a date. But through the guidance and stirring of the Lord, I stepped out of that situation and am no longer in that relationship. Through this book, Passion and Purity, many doubts have flooded my mind about that break up. Was this the “one” the Lord provided? Did I hear from the Lord in leaving that situation or was I being stupid? And the list of questions goes on… basically I ask for prayers of comfort and understanding that He is always in control!

The Lord knows who He has set out for me. Whether we have met before or won’t meet for many more years, I am praying that as I grow closer to the Lord, he also desires to seek the Lord’s will for his life. That his walk with our Father is just as important to him, as it is me. That his heart will be prepared to forgive and love me despite the past decisions I have made in relationships. That we will be able to fulfill similar ideas presented in the book I have been reading, waiting patiently on the Lord until we are rightfully and lawfully one in Him!