Our first discipline that we focused on at the beach was solitude. A time to literally shut up and stop our thoughts in order to allow the Lord to speak. For those of you who know me very well, I am a very talkative person and it is hard not only to sit without saying anything, but to also sit without allowing my mind to run at 100 mph.
My time of solitude was rough. I
had a very hard time allowing my mind to stop. It wasn’t as hard as I thought
to actually sit and be quiet. I was off by myself… so really there wasn’t
anyone to talk to except the Lord. I knew the purpose of this time was for me
to not be talking to the Lord, but instead allowing the Lord to talk to me.
Well, that is where I struggled the most… I believe I was waiting for the Lord
to speak to me audibly instead of allowing Him to speak to me through my
thoughts. I was focused so hard on stopping my thoughts that each time a
thought came (which may have been from the Lord) …. I pushed it away and made
my mind stop. Needless to say, the Lord didn’t speak to be audibly and because
I was so insistent in stopping my thoughts, I may have withheld Him from also
speaking to me through my thoughts. I was one frustrated girl after these few
hours I spent in solitude and became even more upset with myself when I heard
everyone tell of how great their personal time spent in solitude was.
Throughout the day though, I
thought through my time and allowed the Lord to actually begin speaking to me.
I dropped my negative thoughts of my previous time spent in solitude and just
begin to focus on His plan for that time. Through this… I was comforted by the
Lord and the encouragement that was provided to me. MY walk with HIM is MY
walk… I don’t need to focus or be discouraged by anyone else’s walk with Him.
In fact, one of the greatest parts of the day was my time spent thanking the
Lord for allowing me to not have a good time of solitude when we were
“scheduled” to. It is from the discomfort that I experienced that I was able to
step away from everyone else and have more time spent in solitude…BUT actually
allowing the Lord to speak to me through my thoughts this time.
It was in this “second chance”
of solitude for the day that the Lord began to guide my thoughts toward
something I was really struggling with… not being accepted. These feelings had
consumed me and were influencing the decisions I was making on this trip. I
desired to be alone rather than growing closer to any of my WA brothers and
sisters. The Lord reminded me I am His. He has created me the way He desired
to. I am called to love, no matter what. When I turn to Him… He will always be
there. He may not give me what I want, but He always supplies me with what I
need.
Friends I encourage you to spend
time in solitude with the Lord. It is hard; let me tell you from experience.
But it is also very rewarding when you are able to stop yourself from talking
or thinking and just allow Him to be the one speaking to you!
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